Wednesday, May 1, 2013

5 Tips To Help Overwhelmed, Frustrated or Frazzled Moms

Being a mom is hard work, no one doubts that. And if they do, they most likely aren't a mom and have no idea how much work it is. And it's absolutely normal to be a mom and to be overwhelmed, frustrated, and worn out.
So here's my 5 tips on how to deal with those moments, when you're nerves feel like fireworks, your ears can't take another round of anyone yelling or squealing, or you feel like there's no way you'll ever have that "pinterest perfect" house, or just a clean house, your standing in a forest of laundry that never stops piling up and you walk by a mirror and scare yourself.

#1.  Take A Deep Breath, Maybe Even Outdoors-
Sometimes no matter what is going on in our lives, we need to take a moment, take a deep breath...and in that moment, forget about all the troubles happening all around- even for just a split second.  Know these frustrations, are really little problems in comparison with bigger things we could be facing.

*It can be like a little chiropractic move for your "spine of peace". Just stopping yourself from being consumed in frustration for just one second can help readjust our thinking.

*From each breath you take feel like you are breathing out a little more stress,  and focus on the fact that you are the Captain, the Leader, the Coach of your little people. You staying calm, loving and caring is the foundation of your family. If mama is crazy, yelling, and mad, guess what the kids are going to feel: CRAZY and ANGRY and they are going to learn from mama, to yell and react that way too!

*Remember that our kids learn how to treat people, and how they will treat and respond to us, by how we talk to them.  If you want kids that yell, scream, call names, and are disrespectful then be careful because how you treat them, is how they will treat you and everyone else. If you want kids that are loving, kind, listen respectfully, and talk kind and calm, then you ARE the #1 Example to show them how to do that by how you talk and treat them.

*It always does our bodies and minds good to take a break, take a walk, go play at the park to give us a little "happiness break".  And don't be that parent that takes their kids to the part only to yell and bark out orders like "get your butt over here" or yelling at a toddler like they're an adult- GO and HAVE FUN with YOUR KIDS, laugh with them, play with them, smile with them, tell them how much you love them and how special they are to you!

#2. It's My Party and I'll Cry in The Shower
And you're not crying because your naked body doesn't look like a Victoria Secret model! Well, maybe- just kidding.
But somedays we are just hit with things that, well, we just want to cry, but you don't want to be crying in front of your little ones, because sometimes that can scare them to see mama cry.
You are their rock of comfort and strength.
And I remember after my dad died last year, I would get in the shower and tears would just fall from my eyes, with the shower water...and none of my little ones knew mama just had to let some of those tears out of my heart, and I would dry off, clean and my heart was ready to go pour out love on my little ones.
Sometimes I still cry in the shower...but each time I do, a little rainbow of hope comes out after the "rain storm of tears"...and I'm ready to face the day with hope.
If you are going through a "storm" in your life, I pray that you will be refreshed, filled with hope, and that heavenly peace will begin to fill your heart, and that God will fill you with overwhelming love"...

* I like to listen to music while I'm in the shower, the rest of the day and in the car I'll probably on hear kids songs! ha ha ha One of my fav "happy morning songs" is GOOD MORNING by Mandisa

(The only time I've ever seen a baby's room look like this, is before the baby is born. Or after someone's cleaned the room to look like this for a picture!)

#3. Leave the un-lived-in Perfect Houses on Pinterest
Rule #1- from the moment you look into that new baby's precious little eyes, your house will never be as perfect as it was until your kids are grown.
*And if you are obsessed with having a perfect looking house, all I can say, is I would try to be more obsessed with being a loving mom that cares more about her kids than a perfect house- which will not effect anyone, but not caring more about your kids will!
*The signs of a loving family, is not that everything is perfect, but that it looks like love lives there.
*Now, you know, we all love freshly washed sheets, a spotless kitchen and sparkling toilet, but even on days when it feels like you can't do that, always choose a extra moment of cuddles over a spotless stainless appliance!

*A mom who's child died, said she would give anything to see toys laying around and to hear the all the sounds of children. Any time I think about how un-quiet my house is or how it doesn't look worthy of a magazine coming and photographing it, I remember how my heart cherishes the sounds, no matter how loud, of my all my babies and each little sign that a precious blessing lives here. A shoe left out isn't the end of the world, it's a reminder that a precious little pair of happy feet live, walk, dance, and jump for joy there!

*A mom who's children were all grown, told me how she missed seeing bikes laying in her yard, and wishes she had appreciated the little signs of her children, instead of worrying so much about the mess.

*And then try to play a fun game of cleaning up with the kids. (maybe I'll write more about all fun ways we play clean-up)

#4. Be Too Cool, to Lose Your Cool
When you're tempted to lose your cool, STOP. The damage that losing your cool will have, will go way beyond the moment that you feel like "losing it".

Be the mom that can handle any moment with more grace and more love than the time before. Being a mom requires that you give up a lot of selfishness, and sometimes when we are getting upset we begin to focus on how much it's upsetting us...when we need to focus on our kids and how we can calm them down. CALM KIDS = CALM MOM and CALM MOM = CALM KIDS

I was once in a store and a woman, that I didn't even know was watching us, came up and said, "I have to say, listening to you talk to your kids was just a delight, to hear you talk so lovingly and kindly to your kids was just to refreshing. To hear you explain why they needed to talk quietly instead of just yelling at them to be quiet was great. I wish more parents were like you!"

And it's not just that I was out in a store, no matter where you are, be the parent that is the shining example and might inspire another mom, to be more loving, more kind, and to talk to your kids and teach them instead of yelling and insulting them.

Your kids just want to be loved, want know you are proud of them, and want you to teach them and take care of them.

#5. Put Your Problems in Perspective
Today, no matter how frazzled you might be, remember that poor mama, that lost her little one, and how she would give anything to have a day filled with all the duties of a mama, and even have a mess or two to clean up, that she'd love to "have to give a bath", that she'd love to have the chore of getting a child strapped into a carseat, no matter how much extra time it takes.
And remember the Grandma that said, "toys or a bike laying in a yard are like little signs that a happy child lives there. And when they are grown up and gone, you will miss seeing that bike laying in the yard and toys sprinkled around the house".

And tell yourself, "it's ok"! It's ok if the house isn't perfect. It's ok if you didn't get everything, or anything, on your to-do list long as your babies are happy, fed, comfy, cozy, and wrapped up in mama's love, you did a great job!

Huge hugs and a fresh burst of love, hope and peace from my heart to yours, your friend, Kandee



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