Friday, May 10, 2013

3 Things People Shouldn't Say In Front Of or To Their Kids





As I was at the park playing with Ellie and Blake yesterday with my mom, we saw a little girl who was about 4, and witnessed some parents saying some things that I don't think parents should say in front of their kids. So, maybe these 3 things, will be a good reminder to stop yourself from saying things like this all together, if not definitely in front of little ones, who are looking to us "big people" to show and teach them how to talk to others and look to us for comfort and security!
Now of course I could make a bigger list than 3, but we'll just start with the 3 things that came to my mind when we met the little girl at the park yesterday.

#1. DON'T SAY YOU HATE ANYONE OR ANYTHING
Merriam-Websters definition of hate is:
intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury  

If you have a tendency of saying you "hate" this or that. It might even help you put a stop to all the "hate" in your life, even if it's that you hate something small! You don't want anything to come from a place of fear, anger, or injury. Hate is the opposite of love, and love should be one of the biggest actions and parts of our lives.

If you say you hate something in front of a little one, you've just taught them that it's okay to hate someone or something. In our family we believe that you shouldn't hate anyone or anything. You can intensely dislike something, but not hate.

#2. DON'T TALK ABOUT HOW YOU ARE "TOO FAT" OR "UGLY" OR YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS
I have seen many moms talk about how "fat they are" in front of their kids. This is sending an instant message to them to say that they are "too fat" or "too something" and putting in place some insecurity in their precious little hearts.
Kids learn to think about themselves and how their outlook on life will be from their parents.

*Yesterday, the little we saw at the park was telling my mom that "she hated herself", she was only about 4. It was so sad, and my mom told her how precious she was. And it was sad to know that she probably either heard someone say that or someone had told her that.


(this first time I saw this image, it just broke my heart because I know children look to their parents for love, support, and encouragement and some parents, instead give anger, hurt and damage from verbal abuse and name calling, that damages their heart for years. And a hurt little heart, grows into an angry, mad, and very damaged adult heart.)

#3. DON'T CUSS OR CALL NAMES
The same little girl at the park, asked Blake if he remembered her name, he said, "no, I forgot" to which she replied: "YOU FREAK!"
Kids learn how to talk by listening to how their parents talk to them and others. If a parent calls people names whether it's to their kids or people they know, or a car that makes them mad in traffic, the child just learned that's what you do, you call people names, and that is wrong. It's not okay to call anyone names, it's hurtful, rude, disrespectful, immature, and shows a lack of integrity, respect and kindness.

NAME CALLING SHOULD BE OFF LIMITS TO YOUR KIDS: the only names that you should call your kids are loving names that will build them up and fill them with love, examples: sweetheart, buddy, precious, handsome, beautiful, cutie and sweet, loving  things like that.

My heart breaks when I hear parents out in a store or somewhere saying things to their kids like: "you're such a brat" or "you're being a brat". The words that you speak to your kids, or about them plants a seed in their heart, and whether you say: "you're so awesome, brave and smart" or "you're such a little brat", plants those seeds of greatness inside them. They are your little gardens, plant seeds of love and greatness with your words in their life, because how do you think their little garden of confidence and happiness will grow if parents are busy planting weeds of hurt, name calling, and telling them all the awful things they are?!

The famous words from James Allen of "As A Man Thinketh": "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he," not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life. A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts."

And a child learns to think about themselves by how and what their parents say to them. Plant amazing thoughts into your little ones minds everyday. Tell them how smart, brave, wonderful, kind, polite, sweet, giving, how great they are at sharing, and make sure to tell your girls how beautiful they are. You may know how mean other little girls are, and how they will tell your precious little girl how ugly she is, and how that "you're ugly" or "not pretty enough" will stick with them and begin to grow, and at least telling them at home, they can know that someone in the world thinks they are beautiful.

CUSSING: It's easy for me because I don't cuss at all, in front or not in front of my kids I just don't do it. I personally think is sounds ugly and very unlady like to hear a girl use profanity. But the number one thing anyone should do, even if they use cuss words, is  NEVER USE CUSS WORDS when talking to you kids, around your kids, or anywhere near where your kids might hear those words. Then the parents get mad when their little one uses a cuss word, and they learned it from them.

SIDE NOTE: if your little one, uses a cuss word. Don't get mad, they probably don't know what it means and that it's not nice. Explain to them that we don't use words like that, because they are not nice. And give them an example of other ways they can express what they were thinking, feeling or trying to say.

TODAY: Tell your kids (or maybe, tell yourself if your parents or someone close called you names) how great, talented, precious, smart, brave they are. Tell them how proud of them you are. Tell them how much they mean to you. Kids will grow to be what you tell them. Tell them they are brave and so polite and watch how they step up and use their manners! And every night I try to tell them how much I love them, how thankful I am for them, and try letting them overhear you talking about how great they are to someone, like a grandparent or other parent- they're little hearts will soar!

Huge hugs and happy Friday, your friend Kandee

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